It has always been there within me. Where it comes from I couldn’t possibly say. I guess it’s my heart or it could be a life force I accepted as part of me from an early age, simply out of the need for survival.
It is not something I have learned, it is something I have always had … a drive to move through the seemingly impossible in full awareness that this pain will make sense one day. This moment of exhaustion will pass & this broken heart will mend … taking me to richer spaces of life, I will never taste unless I dive into the depths of this experience & surrender to its teachings.
I would be lying if I said there have never been times when I have had my suitcases packed, yelling “get me off this f**cking planet!! Enough already.” But I know there is no escape. The only way is to draw upon this courage, this strength of “something bigger than little me” within & move with life. Not against.
I could stamp my feet into the ground & stay in the comfort zones of what I so desperately despise & yet so hungrily cling to … refusing life’s gifts & challenges.
But would I be who I am today?
Would I love as I love?
Would I see beauty as I see beauty?
Would I hear the songs of the souls I meet?
Would I be grateful for the simplicity of life?
The answer is No, I would not.
These external life situations that not only demand of my courage but reveal it and give it space to grow I have learnt to be curious about not fear. They are the moments that have not broken me … but made me.
And that knowing … that knowing, that each cloud of darkness reveals a new brighter sun… is the fuel to this courage!