Once upon a time I was a no “body.”
I floated through life it seemed upon a breeze, numb to the existence of my legs and feet and completely unrelated to my body.
I know now, my body dissociation was a means to survival as a child, if I was not there it was not happening.
As I grew older, it was my learnt way of functioning in the world. And besides to go within … to connect with my body I would have to witness all that I had “fumbled” through by denial.
If I did not look … it never happened.
I abused my body, continued where they left of.
Pain gave me some level of existence, it was what I knew and besides I could easily slip out of skin and bones into “some other place” … punishment and abusive relationships so confused with a wonky perspective of love, that I seemed to hunt it.
Until one winter’s day in 2000 I received a big universal kick up the bum, as you do and there was no where left for me to run to.
My body was screaming for my acceptance, my love … so slowly I started at the edges of the Jigsaw journey home.
A daily choice to listen, to bare witness… to reclaim my sexuality, my feminine form, my body.
To notice sensation.
To make choices of love, not fear of consequences.
To know my body as a source of pleasure not pain.
It was not a natural arrival. I pushed and screamed against the emergence of my true self beyond the bullshit and messy pieces. Often I would slip easily away again out of my flesh or into a pit of self destruction, especially in times of unworthiness and fear.
Therapy of the mind I soon discovered could only get me so far. I would leave frustrated at the can of worms, words had unravelled with no given instructions on how to live now beyond their closed door …
I knew intuitively, that the expression of words to an occasional “nodding head” was not the answer … it was my body that I was scared of, it was in pain and needed to be held safely and heard.
In all my studies I have experimented I suppose with myself as a guinea pig … knowledge to gain certification, to somehow justify my worth in the world, while exploring if these “say so methods” truly work for a human that experienced such trauma that the birthright to the safety and boundaries of one’s own body was taken away. .. The first experiences in life of trust in relationship, intimacy, love and skin.
I do not wave my learnt knowledge in the air … knowledge is gained from books, another person’s say so or experience, branding ourselves under someone else’s name for recognition rather than trusting in our own calling …
They say knowledge is just a rumour until it has a body.
To have knowledge does not make it a given that we are good at what we share. Of course it has it’s place but knowledge can never teach us the wisdom of how something tastes …
To be able to “meet” the other neck deep in that hell.
I believe in any field, there is heart and a natural intuitive gift behind all authentic service.
I am a Sexual Trauma expert through lived experience.
Qualified by various bits of paper.
But above all, the honest and humble tale of my way home to the sacredness of who I am, in body, love and sex.
My Desire For You Dear Woman ~
My burning desire ignites flames in my belly, pours forth from my heart and is held within the purity of each breath, each touch.
My gift is one of simplicity, to guide you home beautiful woman back into the bones of your body so you may feel at peace within your own breath …
your own skin.
To fill out the soft curves of your feminine form and to own your sexuality and sensuality ~ the gifts the Gods intended for you to own.
Not to tame and squash and build walls around, squeezing into jeans that are too tight or society’s ideas but to glow and thrive in, as a succulent, juicy woman in all it’s forms of tender passion, wild stirrings, creativity, longings and dreams.
You were not designed to suppress your innate feminine nature under rocks of shame or guilt.
Nor were you designed to fit into boxes of what a “perfect” woman should or ought to look like, or be.
We as women will not feel at home in our bodies, our sexuality and sensuality until we reclaim the truth of “what that means” to us as an indivudual and own it.
Not for the reasons we were taught … to give away or to protect under amour, to hide our magnificence as heavenly creatures, to perform, to be an object of another’s desire or to seek acceptance, love and approval, that we are good enough, sexy enough, desired …
But to thrive.
To feel alive from the inside out.
Strong yet vulnerable women softening into all our perfections.
Whether you have experienced sexual abuse, emotional suppression, a broken heart.
Whether you have lost a breast, your womb, your ovaries or an unborn child.
My offer is simple.
To guide and support your journey home to the comfort and safety of your Woman~ness.
Once there, a smile will form upon your lips for you will remember, when you filled out your skin with a plump aliveness, each moment with childlike curiosity, thriving and full of your creative juices.
“At-one-ment” with yourself and the simplistic freedom of the world around you.
I wish to inspire you to create a fresh, loving start in the place you have lived in all your life, noticing the softness of your edges and curves and where those edges meet the world, knowing the breath that breathes you, attending to your wounds, needs, wants, dreams and desires with the love that you attend to those of others.
No, it does not take complicated answers, just courage and heart.
But I believe you already have that for that is what brought you here.
Om Namah Shatki.
Michelle Roberton is a mother of four superstars. A dedicated lover of all things delicious and chocolatey. And a believer of five essential life ingredients ~ Love, Pleasure, Simplicity, Curiosity and Magic.
Her passion stems from her own journey of discovering the medicine in the poison as she set it upon herself to reclaim her body, her breath, her sexuality and sensuality and express that in new, life enriching ways.
She has survived and grown from a widely challenging tapestry of life’s gifts and colours from childhood sexual abuse, anorexia, loss of a child, severe illness, divorce and Cancer.
Michelle feels all these experiences have woven together, to enable her to empower women from a place of “knowing how that tastes,” to see beyond what may feel at times desperately broken and rest into the sanctuary of their own skin.
Michelle has been a body worker, Tantric Therapist and yoga teacher since 2002.
She very much believes that our mind can only take us so far into any release of body trauma and healing of our sexuality. The discovery of who we authentically are is not hidden in our thoughts but in the sensuality and sacredness of our body.
Her touch has been described by many as her gift to others.
Her gentle, calming approach a comforting breath of fresh air.
Michelle lives in the colourful, vibrant city of Brighton.