I am exhausted.
I mean literally ~ I wake up feeling inside an abundance of creativity desiring to peak, and an alertness so focused and clear but my body says “No! Get back under that duvet, you are not cooked yet. Hold on girlie”
I know I’m not alone. My friends are like the walking dead around me. The lights are on, someone is in, but that’s as far as it goes.
There is an eerry mist of silence that beckons around us.
Yesterday, this “thing” came over me. I say “thing” as I don’t have a particular word for it. Inspiration, guidance, bossy internal voice??? … to stop fighting against exhaustion and just welcome it in. It made sense. I mean we speak of “allowing” fear, love, joy, anger. So why not to exhaustion?
It is after all a feeling. And one I seem to be struggling and fighting against and yet still it persists.
So I stopped my plans for the evening. Sent number three son to the kitchen to make dinner. My daughter to attend to the washing up. And I made a nest of my duvet on the sofa… tea and biscuits, borrowed down into the feathers. And there I met my exhaustion.
It smiled at me. Not with wonky teeth and a dodgy eye, like my fears have done in the past ~ Exhaustion just “sighed”… The biggest sigh this side of the universe has ever heard. And said “So we are both here now then? Are you ready to listen?”
I spent an evening of intimacy with exhaustion.
It was a rich, like a oozy, delicious gravy, not at all the frustrating struggle I had labelled it to be.
Just a surrender into … and I listened…
When we are exhausted, we are empty. And when we are empty, what are we?
A receptive vessel.
It appears our exhaustion is simply asking us to be still, to stop the clocks, to stop our plans. Our exhaustion is our “emptying out”.
A wringing out of what has been.
Trust and see.