The experience of childhood sexual trauma has a limiting effect on how we value ourselves and in turn justify and accept unhealthy behaviour from others in adulthood .
How we are treated by those close to us as children has an impact on how we feel about ourselves, for the treatment is received as a bodily felt experience, that wrongly informs us of our worthiness for love and care.
A lack of self-worth is not resolved by what we think about ourselves, no matter how much activity we cram into our lives to build our confidence or how many affirmations we repeat on auto pilot.
It is resolved by how we feel about ourselves.
Feeling was our primary experience as a child and thought secondary.
When our treatment of self is no longer a reflection of how we were treated, the past events can release from our somatic memory for they are no longer being “fed” as truth. We can begin to create new experiences of self through actions of self love and care.
When we care for ourselves we gravitate towards loving, healthy and respectful relationships that are no longer in alignment of the people from the past,
Small steps to create feelings of self worth:
❤️ When we push ourselves from A to B, the “work” we put into the changes we desire does not stick, which leads to feelings of failure and can exasperate the lack of self worth. We want to be gentle and slow, compassionate and kind as we would when encouraging a child or a puppy. If we approach ourselves with the same kindness we approach others, we may GROW into new experiences rather than push too fast, too soon.
❤️ It is important to be aware of our internal dialogue. The way we speak to ourselves, we would not speak to a friend or someone we love in the same manner. If we can for a moment pause and realise that we are talking to our child self, then we can have more compassion and begin to change our inner chatter of self depreciation, judgements and critiquing. We have simply learnt to speak to our self in the way we were treated.
❤️ It helps to be aware that it is the “child self” that is wounded and as the adult self we can give to and love that hurt aspect of self, so we may develop our feeling of worthiness and have the power to make new life choices.
❤️ In my only healing, I found it hard to love and care for myself as I loved others.
I therefore would take time to pause and ask myself if what was happening, or if the way I felt, was good enough for my children. If the answer was no, then I was able to use this compass as a guide towards healthier choices. They were not always followed with instant action, however I had a guide to worked towards to improve my worthiness of love and establish healthy boundaries.
