The Healing Benefits of Yoni Massage

You may be wondering why of all things I want to discuss the healing benefits of Yoni Massage.   vulva-love-image-yoni-massage-sexual-healing-brighton

Well, being a tantric therapist this is part of the healing support I offer women…

Tantric roots believe that we are all born holding the keys to ~

  • Our own pleasure
  • Our greatest potential
  • Our enlightenment
  • Our own healing

All the “essences” of life … love, bliss, happiness and fulfillment that we seek externally already held within.

But the doorway is your body… and of course if you do not feel safe in your own skin and at ease in your own body, well it’s pretty difficult to move forwards as a whole being. 

In Tantra we call the vagina, “yoni,” This is a Sanskrit term which when translated reveals a whole new perspective of the vagina. A meaning that holds love & honour.  She is called “sacred space” or “sacred temple”.

I feel this Sanskrit translation is a beautiful reflection of how the yoni is seen, touched & respected in tantric massage.

This way of “being” in relationship to the yoni, is I feel not only important for men to integrate into their understanding and sexual journey of the female genitals but women also.

Too often in Western society, the yoni is seen as a separate, private part to our whole body and life. We call her “down there” or our “private part”.  We feel her function in life is only for sexual pleasure, sexual relationships or for the birthing of a child. 

I am so often asked why tantric massage includes the yoni and my answer is why not?

Our genitals are not private parts of our body, nor are they separate parts to who we are, to only be invited to “come out to play” for special occasions.

Without the acceptance of the yoni and our sexual essence we cannot fully embody our soul and our passions into our daily lives. They are sacred parts of the body of which when seen and touched from a space of love are no different to any other part of your body that you allow touch, pleasure and healing.

Your yoni has a “voice!”  She has secrets to tell, ancient feminine wisdom to share, guidance to your fulfillment to offer, emotions and pain to release.  

Pleasure and healing come hand in hand, as our bodies relax and release withheld trauma and tension. Your shoulders, your neck, your jaw line holds the stresses and traumas of life your yoni is no different.

In fact she is so sensitive, that she is more susceptible to store unhealed emotions of the past and present.

It is not unusual when using sacred touch on a yoni for a woman to feel overwhelmed with different emotions ranging from anger, isolation, rejection, shame to ecstatic pleasure. I am there to guide and support a woman through the expression of all of them …to unleash whatever may arise to be seen & accepted with unconditional love.

A Tantric massage has no goals; it is a very present experience of the senses that unfolds. Therefore orgasm and climax are not an aim.  It may happen, it may not …that is neither here nor there or my intention as a tantric therapist.

Yoni massage is not a form of masturbation.

It is not about “getting a woman off” nor is its intention sexual. It is a very conscious and present form of healing and loving touch. To be totally present for another allows the body and yoni to melt and let go. If orgasm or climax does occur it is a healing experience rather than sexual and not something we have tasted before …The orgasms are deeply nourishing & satisfying for the body and yoni, the body moves into a state of bliss & wholeness for it has been recognised as a “whole” often for the first time. It is an expansive feeling of mind, body and soul bringing a sense of unity with our woman~ness.

This is of great personal importance to bring a woman in tune with her own womanhood, to open the doorways that reveal a strong, open, sexually empowered, sensual woman ~ not simply for the man in her life, but firstly for herself, her daughters, her sisters…

I am sure the list of the benefits of a yoni massage has not reached its limit as tantra brings something new & fresh to each unique individual I have had the honour of working with. But to bring light upon this ancient practice that can be seen with such a limited view, I have provided you with a few healing experience that conscious sacred touch of the yoni may bless our lives with …

A Yoni Massage:

  • Supports a woman in witnessing & accepting emotional pain be that from sexual trauma, abuse, difficult sexual relationships or trauma experienced in childbirth. 
  • It supports the healing process of
  • Painful menstruation,
  • Irregular menstruation,
  • Infertility,
  • Low sex drive,
  • Pain in sexual intercourse,
  • The inability to feel safe in one’s own skin
  • Lack of trust in relationships,
  • Lack of respect for one’s own sexuality, reducing promiscuity.

It invites into a relationship with another~

  • An ability to trust
  • A willingness to be vulnerable,
  • An ability to surrender,
  • A connection of rich depth and unity
  • Nourishing & satisfying sex for the mind, body and soul. 

It allows a wide range of orgasms and climax experiences never tasted before, for the woman to immerse herself into for personal exploration of her body and femininity ~ revealing, deepening and expanding her sensuality and sexuality.

You may read more on Tantric Massage for women available in Brighton at:

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Paint Yourself With Love…

For this little exercise of self body love, create yourself the perfect environment in which you can relax & explore your skin, your own touch…  soft music, candles, warmth.

To give loving touch to our own body, our own being helps us to see our body in new ways and open up to receiving loving experiences.

Begin by taking your awareness to your heart,

being aware of your hearts rhythmic beat as you allow your breath to deepen

…your energy to soften.

Losing yourself into the depths of your heart.

Imagine love is pouring from your heart

down into your arms & now tingling in your hands

warm, nourishing love.

Starting with your head, begin to tenderly stroke your hair,

allowing your scalp, your hair to drink in the divine nectar of your love

– spending as much time as you want,

brushing love into and through your hair.

Run your fingertips with the lightest of touch over your face,

pausing at your eyes, your lips

…painting your face with love, adoration

Know & feel love is shining in your eyes, baring your soul.

Be vulnerable, open to yourself as you.

Gently massage the back of your neck, as you release any tension.

Gliding your hands down your throat, over your chest

pausing for divine moments,

tuning into your body needs with soft, loving brush strokes.

Loving you …honouring your body.

The lightest of touch down your arms to the tips of your fingers,

drinking in the feel of your own skin…

allowing your body to glow with love.

Soothing your belly now, a gentle caress

…filling your belly with warmth,

with loving affection for who you are right now.

Moving your hands between your thighs

allowing loving, pleasurable sensations.

Running your hands down to your feet in slow rolling waves,

Caressing your soles, your toes.

A feathers touch, up and over your buttocks

…lingering in places that cry out now for your love.

Loving and nourishing your body.

Painting yourself with love from head to toe.

Wrapping your arms now around you,

breathing long and slow, resting into your own skin,

content in the love that you are.

At home within your own body…


…painted with love

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5 Reasons to be Body Positive

miss dirty martini burlesque body positive rebeccaesther.comBeing beautiful, desirable and successful has nothing to do with your size. Here are 5 more reasons to start focusing less on weight and more on being Body Positive.

1 It’s good for your health. Dieting is bad for you. 95-98% of diets fail. Most people gain back all the weight they lost (sometimes more than that!) within 5 years. [Source] Diets also take a huge toll on your self-esteem. Dieting is not worth it.

2 The Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Don’t shame others’ bodies. Instead, focus on the beauty you see in them– and yourself. Make the world a more positive place.

3 No more guilt about what you eat. Have you ever thought “I need to lose weight, so I’ll skip dessert”? Forget that. If you love your body, you’ll stop thinking like that and start paying attention to your body’s wants and needs. You’ll be emotionally and physically healthier that way. Plus, you’ll actually enjoy your food.

4 The (fashion) world is your oyster. You know those magazine articles about “dressing for your shape”? Forget them. Fuck flattering. Wear what you like. Wear what makes you feel fabulous.

5 You can tell absolutely nothing about a person from their size (well, other than their size, and who cares about that?!). Ragen Chastain puts it best: “Weight is not a barometer by which to judge someone’s health, intelligence, employment worthiness, or anything else”. Source. Don’t waste your energy searching for secrets held by their size – you won’t find any.


Rebecca Esther is a Canadian freelance writer and mental health expert who knows few things are more important than a huge dose of self-love. She loves Gone With the Wind, vintage handbags and cucumbers with black pepper. She blogs at

Image: Gorgeous Body Positive Burlesque Dancer, Miss Dirty Martini [Source].


Stepping Stones To You… Step Five.

In the past four stepping stones to you, we have talked about “how we think about our bodies” and how our present thoughts and words of the past can have an incredibly huge effect on how safe, how loved and how beautiful we feel in our own skin.

Hopefully by following the stepping stones, you have seen the effects of how simply by changing our mind about ourselves, our bodies and our lives and releasing old beliefs, we start to feel happier and more empowered.

In these “Stepping stones To You”, I am sharing with you my own process from mass self destruction to self love…

Guiding you through doorways to making “peace” with your body.

So this week, seeing as you are all in full flow with releasing negative interjects and filling your lives with loving words, I would like to move onto the next stepping stone…


You see it is one thing to have lived in this body for 40 years but another to know how to drive it, how it likes to move …what it feels is punishment and what it feels is pleasure.

Before we feel completely safe and at ease driving a car, we have to have driven it around the block, into town and back a few times and maybe a trip or two on the motorway. We become one with the car, know how far to push it… we know its limits, its character, its funny little ways, what it likes and what makes it conk out on us.

Your body is no different.

Feeling safe in your own skin, is to know your body, to move with and in it, to nourish, honour and cherish your body, take pleasure and pride in “owning” it …yes, just like that battered old car outside that you are so very proud of and your heart bursts every time you get behind the wheel and take it for a drive… singing with a contented heart.

Now I discovered that my body loved to move in the same way as my spirit, I was not into fast pace sports, I have never wanted a sports car 🙂 I was not into punishing my body taking it to the extreme and getting all sweaty… movement for me had to be well full of childish freedom and fun!                                                                                                                                                               

So I took up hula hoop classes.

Boy, was this great… my own glittery, sparkly whiryly twirly ever so girly hoop!  Not only did it look pretty and felt sexy but after practice, I “got in touch” with my sacral in soft sensual ways, it healed and opened a most essential part of being a woman. And just as a little bonus toned my tummy and bum 🙂

I tried out different yoga styles, until I found the one that suited me … not a practice simply for the body but a yoga that embraced my mind and spirit too.  My body shape changed as parts for the first time became free.  I felt whole, balanced and focused.

I tried out different dance classes but being a bit clumsy after 38 years of rejecting my imaginary fat thighs, this proved more tough… until I found Nia, a fusion of dance, yoga and martial arts, with some choreography but oodles of yummy free dance…

A perfect opportunity to listen to my body and move it at it’s will, not another’s or mine 🙂

My body started to soften, trust me… relax.

Really show me what it could do and wanted to do for me.

It became no longer an alien place to live but a sacred home.                   

Sometimes a certain “move” would have a message, a memory stored, an old pain and then just as the movement flowed so too would healing and my body would breathe in a new way…invite me into deeper places.

I no longer felt on the edge of my body looking in but deeply rooted.

This was surprisingly the safest I had ever felt in my life and yet for so long this was the one place I refused to be.

The thing is the gym may make a body look firm and toned but a hard cold leather chair isn’t for everyone, personally I prefer to relax in a chair that will hold me no matter how much I wiggle, every position feeling safe, comfortable.  I want to know every contour, every crease and story of that chair and for it to let me explore it.

I think the key for me was wanting so much to feel I belonged and I knew belonging in my body was the major step required.

For too long I had punished it. I wanted to explore pleasure with my body, so I looked at ways to move it, that were exciting to me, lit up that “light” in me and made me sparkle … most of these things turned out to be what I loved as a child … dancing barefoot, twirling with a hoop, skating, walking on the cool sands.

All allowing natural, soft movements full of joy.

My question to you this week is…

What movements bring your body, your mind, your soul… oh and very importantly the “child within” pleasure and joy. 

The answers to this question, will be the key to the door you are looking for 🙂

Ways to Nourish Your Body, Being, Heart and Soul

ways-to-nourish-your-soulGive your Self the gift of nourishment.

Eat wholesome foods, think positive thoughts, take right action.

Listen to beautiful, gentle music and soothing mantras.

Meditate and rest.

Treat yourself to walks in nature and time spent doing what you love.

Bathe in scented water and anoint yourself with fragrant oil.

Dress in a way which makes you feel good.

Fill yourself up with the gift of self love.

Nourish your own heart and soul.

For when you are full, this love naturally overflows to other people.

You’ll become a beautiful, radiant, beacon of light.

Your heart and aura will begin to glow – as Joy bubbles from within.

This is your Soul’s natural state of Being…

…the essence of true beauty.


Ways to Nourish Your Soul Exercise:

Choose one small act of self love to incorporate into your daily routine this week.

It could be anything you like that helps you to feel nourished and alive inside.

Some examples:


Make a specially prepared meal, full of nutritious, delicious food.

Take a beautiful, warm bath, with sea salts and essential oils.

Join a hobby or exercise class you’ve always wanted to try.

Dedicate an hour to painting or creating, just for fun.

Book a manicure, pedicure or body massage.

Apply a facemask and then remove it, speaking loving words of kindness and acceptance for what you see in the mirror

Massage your favourite lotion or oil onto the body parts you find hardest to love. Do so while asking your body for forgiveness and telling your arms, tummy, legs, cellulite etc… you are now prepared to learn, to unconditionally love and accept these parts of you, no matter what.

Make a ritual of putting on your favourite scent/perfume everyday… don’t wait for ‘special’ occasions.

Plan a date with friends or loved ones who make you laugh and feel good.

Relax and take a walk in nature each evening after work.

Curl up with an uplifting book or your favourite, feel good movie.

Treat yourself to fresh flowers or buy yourself something nice – it doesn’t have to be expensive, just something that delights your senses.

Sing, dance and move to your favourite music track.

Think of other ways to nourish your soul – it can be any activity that assists you to feel uplifted, joyful and loved.


Even allocating just a little time to nourishing your Self each day…

…can make a huge difference to how you feel inside.


BeYOU Beauty Tip 01: Affirmations

woman-hugging-herselfReal Beauty Tip 01:

Create a personal affirmation/mantra to remind you of your true value, beauty and worth.

You might like to decide on a single word, or a simple sentence.

Choose something that feels good, strong and powerful for you.

You could write it on a note and put it in your pocket/purse, stick it were you can see it, paint it, or just memorize and repeat when ever you need a little boost throughout your day.

Affirmations and mantras are powerful, sacred tools you can carry with you throughout your life, wherever you go.

love-yourself-moreDon’t wait for someone else to tell you, you are loveable, worthy or beautiful. Tell yourself.

Loving who you are is the most empowering thing you will ever do, for yourself, your life here, and those around you.

When you say your mantra, try to really feel the truth of the word/statement in your body.

Imagine the mantra nourishing your heart and spreading outwards, into a smile.

Here are some suggested statements, but feel free to create your own:

‘I am as I was created to be’.


‘Everyday in every way, I’m feeling better and better’.

‘All is Well’.note-to-self-body-love-affirmation

‘I love myself… just as I am today’.

‘I am beautiful, inside and out’.

‘I see and feel my true beauty now.’

‘I am a radiant being of light, inside and out’.

‘I walk with beauty before me and all around me’.

‘True beauty is seen with the heart, not the eyes’.

‘My body is Divine.’

‘I am as God created me’

‘I am thankful for all I am and all I can be’.

‘I am thankful for my beautiful (insert body part)

‘I love my body, no matter what’


True Beauty Is An Inside Job

consumerism-imageAfter spending several hours walking around the high street, being bombarded by flawless, photo-shopped images, it’s not hard to feel a little perplexed and jaded, as you think to yourself… what on earth is going on?

Or maybe you’re so used to it now, you just shrug and raise an eyebrow, as you pull your child along, while both of you pass image after image of advertisements, usually featuring unrealistic, sexualized images of women. Sometimes subtle, other times not so subtle at all.

In shops, in magazines, we’re fed standards of digital beauty, which are not easy to meet, unless we obsess, stress and use up our valuable time and energy to do so – time and effort we could instead spend productively, doing what we love and enjoy… things that might actually advance us on our path as wo/men, change the world for the better, and bring us a much deeper sense of inner respect and fulfillment – than trying to look like a surgically enhanced pin up girl.

Yet so many women have felt the pressure to fit this kind of ‘ideal’ …fed these kind of images day after day, it’s not hard to occasionally loose sight, that what is truly beautiful and attractive in a person, is not just the appearance of their body, or what brand of clothing they wear.

True beauty is a person’s sense of self worth, inner well-being and happiness …alongside their presence, passion, gifts and joy.

But by way of distraction, society’s obsession of ‘keeping up appearances’, can actually weaken our dedication, as a race, to what we’re actually here to do.

And what we are all here to do, is fulfill our Souls calling.

Our Soul’s calling is NOT to towie-faces-behind-the-fake-makeupobsess over the pictures in the media and spend our life on worry, because we don’t live up to them.

It is not to obsess about making ourselves attractive for the benefit of those who can not see value beyond the body and appearances alone.

Your soul’s calling is to unashamedly live your life with joie de vivre, gusto and passion, in a way that is uniquely fulfilling to your life, regardless of what you look like, or how you might outwardly appear.

Regardless of what others think of, or may judge you to be.

I’m not saying don’t make any effort to look and feel nice – it’s important to look presentable for yourself – to take care of your bodies health and well-being, and to feel beautiful inside and out.

But when looks and beauty become an obsession, in a way that causes stress and worry, at the expense of living a happy, carefree life, at the detriment of going out into the world to fulfill your higher purpose… then it’s maybe time reconsider our priorities as wo/men, about what makes our self, our society, and our life a truly fulfilling and beautiful experience.

In the Words of Martina McBride – This One is for The Girls

girl_looking_in_a_mirror_self_esteemIn the words of Martina McBride – This one is for the girls.

More and more these days society pushes for girls and women to be pencil thin and just right. Here are a few words of wisdom – you are perfect just the way you are! Women and girls need to be happy with who they are. So you are not the perfect size 4 or 6 – big deal. You are you, you are the essence of perfection that the universe intended you to be. It maddens me and saddens me to see a good portion of our female society literally killing themselves to be “perfect”. They are already perfect – in exactly the way they are intended to be. So here are a few words from me that I sincerely hope fall on the ears of the girls and women struggling with societies view of the “perfect body”.

curvy-women-jeansWear clothes that fit you and don’t worry about the number. Too many people are hung up on the number tagged to the back of their jeans. It is just that – a number. Someone at some point decided to assign a number to a specific size of jeans, which turns out to not be all that specific at all. When you stop letting the world dictate what you should be able to fit into and start wearing the clothes that actually fit you will feel so much better about yourself. Seriously- does anyone feel good and comfortable when they are uncomfortable because the jeans or shirts they are wearing don’t fit? Nope – I have not met a single person that finds this to be comfortable. Stop worrying about the number because when you wear what fits you exude beauty – it literally pours from you. Why? Because you are comfortable.

Take the time to look in the mirror each day and repeat all that is wonderful about you. When you believe in your natural born beauty – other people will too. It is the natural flow and ebb of things. You say this is easier said than done – maybe – but so completely worth it. I have met women who are not your standard bikini model and they are beautiful. They wear what fits and what suits them and their beauty just follows them around. Size is just a number – a number that you should not worry about.

I can not say it enough – you are absolutely beautiful just like you are.

Be proud of you – you are exactly what you were meant to be. Don’t allow society to dictate your size, personality or anything else. Eat healthy, get some exercise and enjoy being who you are.

Many thanks to Demetria Rupkey for her guest post contribution. Find out more about Demetria’s work here:


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Stepping Stones To You… Step Four

Self love always seems to appear a bit of a “biggy” 🙂 but when we put it into a new perspective it really isn’t the mountain we believed it to be.

People say to me “is that not wrong?” or “I don’t know how.”            

But you see we give, share and show love with others, just by the little things we do and say… and all we need do is give “those little things” to our selves too.

This week look at your life and ask your self…

How do I show myself love?

How do I give myself love?

It is okay. I will give you some helpful tips 🙂

Soooooo 🙂 after the stepping stones I have already shared with you. I asked myself the same questions and began to bring love, permission and approval into my own life rather than wanting and waiting for it from others.

I began to buy or pick fresh flowers every week and put them by my bed.

I made sure I meditated everyday; this time of silence, also a gift to myself.

I gave myself play time, time to dedicate to something I loved – yoga, hula hoop, dancing, Nia, baking a yummy cake, getting all my paints out and painting with my fingertips, playing on the swings, climbing trees or a walk along the beach.

I made time once a week to have a pyjama day.  This would start with tea and biscuits in bed followed by a long hot bath with some oils, a home made facial, cosy pyjamas, a book, a funny or soppy film, fur blankets and a bar of chocolate.

Six years later and all these ways of self love are still in my life.

I made time in my life for “me”…a commitment to stop neglecting myself but to love myself, for in loving myself I knew my life and the lives of those around me would be richer…

I gradually changed my behavior from self punishment to self love, by asking myself in moments of  self sabotaging actions if what was happening was “good enough for my daughter.”

If the answer was “no” I changed it… even if that meant stepping out of comfort zones and seeking help.

But most of all I stopped being my worst enemy and instead became my own lover, mother, father and best friend. 

You see there is a person and a place I have to live with and in… every second of every day.

I am and my body is…

My home for life.